I have found myself ‘being present’ to my spouse, work, church and pets, but have had minimal time to call my own. Part of the reason is that my main outlet has been put on hold these past few months. This outlet has been my ‘cave’ time according to the popular relationship book of the 90’s, Women are from Venus & Men are from Mars!
I continue to be challenged with my ‘helper’ mentality when it comes to Buddy. He is very competent in many things, but can still have trouble finding the milk in the refrigerator! Or what about completing a task that may have been ‘my job’ in the past but is now something Buddy can take care in his own free time?? Maybe it is an unrealistic expectation on my part because Buddy is now retired. Where is the balance?
How many of you gals with retired spouses have had similar ‘helper’ mentality experiences, whether there is a need to pick up more bread at the market or making a follow up call regarding a repair need?
So what have these last few months taught me and how do I move forward with grace while maintaining my ‘inside’ voice?
First of all, Pray. Yes… seriously. My Creator is one of love and grace. It is my prayer that I can offer the same love and grace to my spouse. When I feel my ‘cranky ‘pants’ coming on, I can take a deep breath and pray for kind words to come from my lips. I know I mess up a lot and am given grace when I certainly don’t deserve it!
Secondly, have a Sense of Humor. Back in the day, I was called the GA(Good Attitude) Kid. So, lets not lose sight of a good attitude just because things get a little sideways!
Third, don’t make a Mountain Out of a Molehill. It’s so easy to hold onto frustrations of recent experiences. But that moment is gone… done! I can either choose to focus on the past situation and grovel in it, or I can think how I might respond differently the next time.
Let’s add a fourth in, too…Communicate. Holding hurts and frustrations inside are a gut killer! Unrealistic expectations can shoot you in the foot. When we talk about these things and have clarity in our expectations, the positive benefits to our relationships can be huge.
Ok… now that I gotten that off my chest! See how helpful communicating is- even in the written word!! The next post will be about a common character flaw and one that Buddy calls me out for quite often!!
Until then…