Today came more quickly than expected after weeks of friendly well intended reminders about the anticipated ‘big day’. As with many things in life, you think there is plenty of time- and then all of a sudden, the baby is in your arms…kids are heading off to college… or, the vacation is over and you are back to the daily routine of home and work! That same feeling has descended upon us these last few weeks and we are now looking back on a 35 year career. My spunky Italian mother would often say in her last few years of life, “How quick it came!” Of course that statement always came AFTER reminding you that she didn’t retire until she was 83!
Buddy is not generally the type of guy to often share his feelings, but he began making occasional comments as Retirement Day was becoming more of a reality. His statement this morning was particularly significant to me as he shared, “I feel as if I’m leaving myself behind’. What do you say to that? There wasn’t really time for any lengthy conversation as he had to get to work(last day for that!) but I responded back with this: “You will wake up the same guy tomorrow as you did today”. I also told Buddy his work isn’t all that he is but what he does.
Of course, this brief conversation got me thinking about grief and loss. Buddy is saying goodbye to the professional life he wanted from the time he was a college student and has since been living for the past 35 years. We are yet to experience the feelings and responses this change will create tomorrow and the next…. but it will affect us both. So what can I do as a retirement wife? I will keep reminding myself about the stages of grief and loss and pray for an overflowing heart of understanding and patience(while throwing in some humor at hopefully the right time!)
As a retirement wife, what challenge did you experience w/ your newly retired spouse? What did you find helped with the transition in the early days after your spouse’s retirement?
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A tough day it was. I remember the difficulty with my husbands 1st retirement. I remember having to affirm what this change meant for his new career, our new life, but quickly realized that just listening and being there for those “moments” was all I could do until he realized it himself!! And I get to do it again in “3” yrs!! Ugh!!!
When they follow their dream from before college, this is their identity of who they are and what they are about their entire life.
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