This phrase came to my mind a while ago and it has been like a ‘broken record’ in my brain! Following Buddy’s retirement last August, traveling and celebrating the holidays kept both of us happily busy during the remainder of last year. But sprinkled throughout those busy times have also been brief periods of frustrations for each of us as we navigate the balance of independence and togetherness.
With 2016 making its debut, I have experienced the occasional challenge of maintaining my own interests, including my profession, while adjusting to the spontaneity of Buddy’s free time. Likewise, Buddy has had moments of impatience as I hustle off to my ‘less than part time’ work, volunteer activity, or to enjoy my passion with horses. My desire to ‘fix’ his periods of discomfort in this thing called retirement has also been another area of awareness for me.
Buddy has continued his need to stay relatively busy and thrives on maintaining some degree of regularity in his routine- at least during the first part of the day. When others ask how he is doing, Buddy will share, albeit with reservation and brevity, ‘I’m starting to get the hang of it”.
I am not involved in that many different activities, but a fair amount of time is spent in my few chosen pleasures. This is also where some of my personal challenges have occurred: How much is too much time away? Do I need to give something up? Were my and Buddy’s expectations about our individual free time ‘way off the mark’ with each other when retirement actually became a reality?
That being said, I am so grateful for the phrase that continues to come to mind when I do find my frustrations creeping in: There are no do overs.
Buddy and I have seen many couples that are truly enjoying retirement – traveling, spending time with children and grandchildren, and giving back to their community in different ways. However, there are some friends who are not experiencing their retirement years as they may have hoped or expected. Chronic illness or even death has robbed the anticipated treasures of their so called ‘golden years’.
It is my own hesitant peek into the future that I realize this life with my partner of almost 35 years will not go on forever. It is not my intention to get maudlin about this thought…but the true fact is that none of us will live forever! The feeling of thinking we were invincible as in our younger years has long since passed!
The important thing is how we approach each day and how we choose to spend time with our friends, co- workers, and most importantly, spouses. I will continue to navigate the day to day balance of independence and togetherness; but God brought this man into my life and our time together needs to be, should be… IS the priority. It’s time to give my man a hug and thank God for every day we have together.