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Life in Boxes

Buddy and I are moved in! It’s been a two and one half year adventure watching our first(and only) home building dream come to life. It is a true blessing to see the end result. And we finally get to see and touch personal items that have been in storage crates for what seems like forever! It’s a Christmas morning feeling… unboxing and unwrapping physical ‘history’ of lives together. It’s been a chorus of ohhh’s, awww’s, and ‘take a look at this’ exchanged between the two of us!

On that note, I would like to take a few moments to commiserate w/ all of you who have experienced moving to a new home. This can be a common life journey no matter what age; but seems a bit more trying and tiring as I’ve gotten older!

Stuff and Things

One of the first reasons is the natural process of collecting more stuff! How often a box of college papers or books, photos of people we can no longer name, or other memorabilia are taking up space and collecting dust in the back of a closet? And sadly, it may not even be our own box of life memories, but that of our children!  

Letting It Go

Lifting and lugging boxes, diving headfirst into the cardboard abyss, and hours of unwrapping paper around each precious item becomes a bit exhausting day after day… after day. Why do we hang on to ‘this or that’ after 20 years for it to again sit in a box collecting dust? Is it that difficult to JUST LET IT GO?? “But I might need it” or “the kids might be able to use this” is a common excuse running through our heads. First lesson, if it has sat in a box, on a shelf, or in the cabinet without using it in the past year, it is likely not needed! Second lesson- ask your children. They likely don’t want it or need it either!

The Sweet Side

Oh, but there is a tender and sweet side to all of this.  It feels great to unpack and unload! Clear out that clutter, simplify, and organize all the ‘stuff and things’ that are truly needed in life. This is therapeutic in both the practical and proverbial sense! It is an opportunity to give unnecessary items-no matter how big or small- to a non profit organization or outreach, friend or neighbor that could benefit from such generosity. And equally important, ‘the aww moments’ of finding the (cutest)baby picture, a hand made craft from your child’s kindergarten year, or old ice skates(and why have I kept them all these years?) that will catapult you back to a softhearted moment in time. It’s a sweet memory that sweeps you away from the cardboard and packing paper disaster looming in front of your eyes!

Buddy and I agree this will be our last move to a new home- at least within our control or mental faculties. We hope to enjoy our home with family and friends for many years. We are also so thankful to all who have been part of this crazy adventure!

To close, it’s both a new beginning and end of a dream come true! I may be dating myself, but Madeline Kahn’s “I’m So Tired’ song (and her facial expressions) comes to mind. The subtle sexual innuendos don’t really align with unpacking cardboard boxes, but the overall emotion still works. Enjoy! Blazing Saddles

Bethlehem Star … Fact and Faith

In a year that has been unlike any other, our earth’s sky will display a visual symbol of the hope we hear in the Christmas story. On December 21st, Jupiter and Saturn will orbit close to Earth and appear as one giant star. This alignment is also rare, having occurred in 1623 but actually last seen on March 4th, 1226! According to the NASA website, “Look for them low in the southwest in the hour after sunset.” 

The Great Conjunction

The astronomy world calls this event between Jupiter and Saturn a ‘great conjunction’ as the two planets overlap each other in their separate orbits. According to a Huffington Post article, Nahum Arav, physics professor at Virginia Tech, states this rare event is “special because of how bright the planets will be and how close they get to each other in the sky… about 1/5 of the moon’s diameter.” Although appearing close, the distance between the two planets is still 450 million miles!

Get your cameras ready!

Southwest sky

Alan Duffy, the lead scientist at the Royal Institution of Australia, states, “For those who are in the business of taking pretty pictures, you probably want to snap them a little earlier,” he said. Duffy offers instructions to look for ‘two dots that, unlike stars, do not twinkle: a pure white dot for Jupiter and one with more of a golden hue for Saturn’.

‘I can tell you what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown’

Linus from Charlie Brown Christmas, gives one of the most endearing Christmas story narrations. This familiar Christian account of the Christ child’s birth is found in Luke Chapter Two. But nowhere is mentioned the famous star! However, in the Bible’s Book of Matthew, the story of the Magi following the Bethlehem Star is clearly described. Some Biblical scholars speculate if this star was a result of the conjunction of Jupiter, Saturn and Mars in 6 B.C.

A coming star…

Interestingly, the Old Testament also references a ‘coming star’: A sorcerer by the name of Baalam, at King Balak’s request, gave four oracles intending to curse Israel in the early 1400’s B.C. Instead, he blessed Israel and predicted, “I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near; A star will come out of Jacob.” Numbers 24:17(referencing the future coming of Jesus Christ).

Looking Upward

So, no matter what scientific or spiritual thoughts may come to mind, we can look up on December 21st in awe and wonder. This once in a lifetime moment will no doubt put a little perspective and context to this tiny speck of our planet called Earth. And no matter what dark moments 2020 may have held, we look forward with joy and to a bright tomorrow!

KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON!

After a two year hiatus(oh, how time can fly!), I am so happy to be sharing with all of you again! Buddy and I are enjoying life in our new community and magical corner of the world. The adventure continues after leaving our home base of 35 years – a true blessing for our marriage and life!

Check out August 25, 2018 ‘On the Road Again- the Backstory’ to give a little background as to my ‘itchy feet’ that led to our move. And yes, I will write ‘part II’! As to the longer than planned RetirementWives break, it’s been a time of having fun each day without a lot of plans. Buddy and I have been enjoying the beauty of the four seasons– hiking, biking, skiing, and water sports… AND right out our own back door! I’m still pinching myself, even after two years!  

New Adventures

Oh, and I guess I should mention we are in house building mode. It’s been a 2 year project that has taken up just a little bit of our time!

Buddy and I once again prove that opposites do attract- if he likes a particular finish or design style, I am more inclined to pick the other one! I do know after 35 years of marriage and a few home remodeling projects, we eventually come around to either one of us giving in or choosing a new compromise. Who knows, we might even be beating the world record odds of couples that divorce after a prolonged home building project!

We also have a recent new addition and FIRST to our family clan: A PRECIOUS GRANDBABY! I’m sure to be blogging about the joys of grandparenting in future posts. And I do have to tell you that being a grandma, nana, memaw, Mameo (Irish for grandma) is somethin’ special!!!

On the retirement front, Buddy and I are now BOTH retired! My job finally came to a close the middle of 2019. I am blessed to have had such an awesome career and a work team that gave me the autonomy to work remotely after moving. 

This Little Light

So, for those of you that have been the second partner to retire, how has it affected you? Was retirement an easy transition for you or were/are there some challenges that maybe you weren’t expecting?

I don’t know if it is necessarily a retirement thing or just part of ‘getting older’, but I do think more about this season of life. Will it be a slow beautiful sunset, displaying the kaleidoscope of evening’s colors, a hazy or subtle overcast that casts a dull film over the emerging stars, or a rush of clouds and sudden storm that darkens the transitioning evening sky? I don’t really know and will choose to focus on the ‘keeping the lights on’ to the best of my ability each and every day!

With the year that we all have experienced together, I will share a little ‘wash it away’ in my next blog post coming soon. Until then, stay healthy and spread some good cheer as we eagerly await 2021.

The Black Hills-pictures & perspective

A FORGOTTEN PEOPLE…

As Buddy and I rambled across the S. Dakota Plains, our conversation seemed to do the same while reflecting on the Crazy Horse and Mt. Rushmore historical monuments we had recently visited.  We also shared our personal recollections of learning about and experiences related to this part of our American history.

Buddy grew up one of the Plains states and has often shared his favorite phrase describing the area of his birthplace, ”It’s not the end of the world but you can see the end of the world!”  As we each described our individual perspectives of Native American history, it became apparent that Buddy’s education as a youth was more experiential while my understanding came purely from high school and college American History classes.

I have to be honest and say that my perspective of our First Nation was likely influenced by the ‘good vs bad’ culture that I grew up with: having family dynamics with the good girl or boy label, being a ‘good Catholic’ or watching the Hollywood ‘spaghetti westerns’ and being part of the neighborhood kids shouting about who got to be the cowboys in our childhood game of ‘Cowboys and Indians’. As my education progressed, I don’t recall hearing any professorial perspectives or having any discussions/debates of perceived injustice toward our American Indian peoples during the time when our nation was being explored by our early settlors.

Fast forward to our present day, we now have literary works that are attempting to correct earlier accepted written history of how the Western plains were settled.  And we did hear and see evidence of this while visiting the local Plains area. My heart aches as I learned of treaties that were made and broken to our First Nation peoples- all for the sake of moneymaking commodities like gold and oil.

In our current society, we live in an atmosphere of heightened racial and social injustices that takes many forms.  What is personally bothersome for me, having just visited two incredible National Monuments in the Dakota Plains, is the lack of NATIONAL attention to the challenges that faced the American Indian people in the past as well as today. I believe they can be considered a forgotten group of citizens in our nation’s political arena.

Buddy shared that the same social injustices experienced by African Americans and have received national attention were also pervasive in the American Indian culture as he was growing up in North Dakota.  Being denied entrance to places of business was common for the Sioux population as Buddy often witnessed. Talking further, we agreed it may come down to a disparity in awareness and cultural education about the American Indian on a regional rather than national level.

This is the FIRST time I have traveled through this part of the country; and this trip has ignited my interest to revisit our First Nation history with fresh eyes and be sensitive to the many and not well known consequences of our forefathers’ exploration westward.  And I certainly do not consider myself qualified to make any historical determinations without first doing my homework!

 

Hope you enjoy the pictures and descriptions!

“Spurred by rumors of gold, many prospector groups attempted to enter the Black Hills in the 1870’s. Without regard to the Fort Laramie Treaty, they planned to enter the region and explore the untapped wealth. A group of 28 people headed west from Sioux City, Iowa, and eluded the calvary across the Dakota Territory. Following the wagon trail of the Custer Expedition, they made a permanent camp in this area December 1874. Named after their leader, John Gordon, their structure became known as the Gordon Stockade…”

This stockade is located just outside of the town of Custer and next to the Custer State Park


                          

 

    

Custer State Park

                    

                

Mt. Rushmore

Crazy Horse Monument

Letter from Henry Standing Bear to Korczak Ziolkowski requesting his help to sculpt the Indian Chief

         

 

 

Custer, South Dakota

          

Almost On The Road Again- the backstory

As I started this blog post about being on the road again, I realized some backstory information was important to first share with all of you. So, let us begin with Part 1 of a 2 Part story which takes us briefly back to Buddy’s pre retirement days!

While Buddy was in full work mode, we would take yearly long weekend trips in the Fall to a favorite vacation spot and enjoy some time together along with a caravan of friends.  It was a much needed break and welcome change to experience the refreshing climate and relaxing atmosphere.  These yearly get-aways would lead to dreamy discussion about possible areas to consider living once Buddy did make that big step into retirement.  As we all know, dreams sometimes come and go.  Oh sure, as time passed, there was the occasional conversation about moving to a new area of the state,  but for the most part, our time and energy was being spent elsewhere.

To get an idea, check out this clip from The Money Pit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaWD0ezM9HQ

The routine Buddy and I fell into as we adapted to his retired life was not necessarily what I believe either of us had anticipated nor expected. Besides some of the adjustments we both experienced from my previous writings,  I found this new life together a little less than satisfying.  Plainly said, I really didn’t like it much! Oh sure, I enjoyed my own recreational activities, time at church, and job. But the relational side of life with my spouse seemed to take a ‘back seat’.  I’m also confident that Buddy was ‘settling’ for our new ‘post career’ lifestyle but not what he really desired for us either.  It seems we had fallen into a ‘parallel’ type of existence together with the occasional dinner or evening out.  Otherwise, Buddy would go biking while I stayed at home checking emails; I would go to my part time job while he worked on home projects; and, we even went to different churches on Sunday!

Something seemed wrong with this picture- except for the times we were together in our RV, a.k.a. our Traveling Box! So, you might be saying,  ‘Well, just take more trips in that fun little vacation mobile on wheels! You’ve got the time now!’  The good- no GREAT news is that our RV adventures and other travels together have been very exciting and lots of FUN! Most of our traveling time has been spent together  w biking hiking, and visiting beautiful areas of this impressive country.  But as you all know, traveling requires available expendable income- which is another one of those adjustments that come with retirement!

Hang in there…. we are getting close to winding up Part 1 of the backstory!

So, last year we had the grand idea of visiting four National Parks: Bryce, Yellowstone(a MUST SEE for all of you who haven’t yet been!), Glacier, and Crater Lake.  This was a 25 day RV adventure which helped to ‘seal the deal’ of now being ON THE ROAD AGAIN! Midway through this National Park trip(did I mention the environmental wonder of Yellowstone and being a Bucket List trip for sure?)… anyway, we stopped and visited with some dear friends in one of our nearby states. It was here that we realized, this beautiful new location could be Buddy and my’s perfect playground. And this is where the Part 1 story ends.

Or should I say, BEGINS…..

Part 2: ON THE ROAD AGAIN post coming soon!

 

 

Twice as much

Hi there, Retirement Wives!! I have been ‘off the grid’ for the past few months getting through a home remodel project that began last July- expanding one of the bedrooms, and remodeling the Master and Guest baths. Is there a Murphy’s Law of home remodeling?

If not, here is my version: Twice as much/Twice as long!

Buddy and I are opposites on many things and home style/décor is another thing to add to that list. No surprise there! I have to say that our communication and decision making was not really the issue during this particular project… it was the physical chaos as a result of breaking down walls, putting up new walls, demolishing flooring and tile and all the ‘construction dust’ that goes along with it.

And then there is the scheduling and ‘no shows’ of workers, materials that are back ordered or no longer available, and… the cost!

Oh, yes…Twice as much/Twice as long!

How many of you have experienced the frustrations and challenges of remodeling your home? And the biggest accomplishment is staying married through it all!!

A little humor goes a long way so I have included a little contractor television nostalgia for you all to enjoy…Tim the Tool Man

Do We Stay or Do We Go?

I apologize for being ‘off the radar’ for the past few months… I have been missing my time spent researching and writing about life with a retired spouse! But in all honesty, it is exactly that life that has kept me away from tapping the computer keys for The Retirement Wives!

Buddy and I innocently began down a slippery slope a couple of months ago when we visited a new housing development in our community to get some decorating ideas. We have lived in our current home for 16 years and have slowly been completing remodel projects – the last one being our ‘forever home’ complete back yard remodel!

Well, that ‘forever home’ plan was challenged recently after embarking on our decorating ideas adventure. We began to look at all the pros and cons of our home versus the new build and even went as far as getting housing comps in our neighborhood!!

Instead of moving, we are now in the throes of a remodel project that has displaced our sleeping and is causing major noise anxiety for our beloved pets. This latest project is giving Buddy and I yet another opportunity to practice teamwork and compromise. In all honesty, I don’t think we will ever get enough practice!

There is a reality in evaluating our home environments as we grow older and is partly what motivated our recent but brief home relocation consideration. How much house it too much for a couple with children no longer living at home? At what point do stairs become a mountain to climb or a scary flight of steps leading to the ground floor of life’s daily activities?

And we haven’t even begun to consider… the grandkids!! Although we have not yet been blessed with grandchildren, we have witnessed friends experiencing the joys of being close to their own children’s families or the heartaches of living far away.

So for now, we will stay put in our larger than needed abode, finish the last of our remodeling list, and ‘refresh’ our home’s décor- all on retirement income! But I do have to say that the door has been cracked open as to where we might next plant our feet. Maybe it will be moving to a town where we can be pedestrians more often than drivers or relocating to an area closer to the next generation of our gene pool…

My son may have had the best idea: take the RV and go travelling around the U.S. And I don’t think it would be the first time a retired couple has packed it up and hit the road!

rv at night